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I think I am beginning to understand Einstein’s theory of relativity just a little. No, not really, but at least an analog of it as it seems to apply to writing a book. Let me explain. Stick with it. I promise you might like it. How’s that for a guarantee?

You see, according to Einstein’s theory, as an object approaches the speed of light, its mass increases, until it reaches the speed of light, at which time it will have infinite mass and therefore take infinite energy to move. At every stage of writing the book, the closer I get to the end of that stage, the more energy and time it takes to complete it and this most recent stage, the final edits is really getting heavy, as in infinite mass heavy, or so it seems. So my estimates for when I will be done with it always turn out to be optimistic.

My latest editor really knows writing since he does it for a living and has done so for many years, so of course, he has done a very good job of finding errors. Let’s call them infinite errors. Though of course this isn’t accurate. There are far more than that. Okay, again, not really. It just seems like it. Thanks Dan. I really appreciate the professional job you are doing on it and I really owe you. I must be honest though and say that professional isn’t the correct term because that implies that I am paying him, which I am not, unless you count gratitude and a vague promise of help in-kind in the future.

Writing a novel would be relatively easy if I only had to write the first draft. I could probably write somewhere between two and six per year. Even writing a first draft exhibits the same mass building effect as I approach the end of the book, but it isn’t quite as magnified as it is at the last stages. If I only had to write the outlines of books, I could turn out dozens per week or so it seems as the backlog of stories I think or dream up seem to be never ending. I try to at least write down a brief synopsis of my book ideas as they pop into my head, but I don’t always get to it. What makes it worse is that, because I have determined that it is in my best interest to complete at least three books in the Jack & Elle series before I move on to any other novel, I of course, can’t stop thinking of other interesting book ideas I would like to start working on.

Well, enough skirting around the point. My plan to get the book out by January 1st, or close after it has taken a hit or two or three. Besides the infinite mass theory, the main computer I use to write has now decided that it only wants to work at random times that don’t align with my schedule. I called Dell on Wednesday evening and they are sending me a box to return it for repair, but who knows how long that will take. So, I bought a used Microsoft Surface that same evening and I think I like it a lot better anyway. However, as I got back to my edits, the rather worn out keyboard that came with the otherwise flawless computer, turned out to have an issue with the space bar. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. And, as you can imagine, thatcanbeabitofanissue. Undaunted, I ordered a new keyboard that will be here on Sunday. Yes, Sunday. Isn’t Amazon amazing? I found another keyboard to use in the meantime and I am back at my infinite editing task.

Then it hit me. After all of these edits, I am sure I have made or will make some kind of search and replace error or an accidental keystroke or two that messes up some sentence or phrase. What does that mean? Infinite editing. Yippee!

Well, back to chasing my tale(incorrect word and pun intended)! Thanks for reading. Professor Collum’s quasi-physics lecture is now over.

 

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